LET'S TALK ABOUT PSYCHIATRY AND CHILDREN

#Children and #psychotropic drugs:

Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But wait, there’s more.

#By Frances Harris

Cause of death – Died from anxiety. That’s what is likely to be on the death certificate of 7% of the population, (one person in 14), a child or adult with unreceptive liver enzymes after the psychotropic drugs went wrong. Side effects means there is a steady residual build-up of unprocessed medication, until the patient is overwhelmed. They can be seriously injured,or die.

Anxiety: in hospitals is code for, died from side effects of medication that overwhelmed them. None can dispute it, because no one tests for it. If you look at the statistics of many hospitals, it's amazing how many people have anxiety as the recorded cause of death. At major hospitals sometimes it is the leading cause of death above all others. I was baffled by this until I saw what happens first hand, then the file notes were revealed. If you have a child or adult in your family, and you are thinking of this type of psychotropic drug therapy are you scared yet? You should be!

How am I qualified to comment? I’ve been a carer for sixteen years and seen the effects first hand, but luckily I was able to intervene before it went to the final step. I was informed and aware where while others are not. Most unsuspecting parents would never know. I have seen under the covers of psychiatry and it’s not a pretty sight.

Now many people have children they can no longer control. We, being many of the adults, might have unwittingly made them that way. So we go to the doctor to give the kid a pill to make it better faster; sedate him out and life can go back to normal. Seemed alright at the time but was it? - Perhaps not – Short term gain then more likely long term pain is on its way.

Life issues and divorce do traumatize kids, especially if their part hasn’t been handled right. Dad or mum is replaced by a new partner, so continuity of emotional attachments are left behind. We run them off their feet trying to catch up while emotions are raw, then there is the everyday stuff, homework, out of school activities and countless others. There’s no real time to play without rules and timeframes so they can have time to strike their own balance and their own thoughts. They go into survival mode, sometimes leaving empathy for others behind. It seems to make them unappreciative, uncaring. But however much we don’t like it; we were probably greatly and unintentionally the cause.

Somewhere along the line, personal identity of the child or adolescent can be fractured and in the confusion they become sad, they feel alone and then scared and eventually left on the fringes to make their own way. The result is understandably anger and rebellion. It’s a normal reaction, and we forget sometimes these unpleasant reactions happen to adults too. Because they are smaller or powerless it is easy to pass responsibility to a doctor to fix it with a pill. They are not in a position to know, or resist. Parents are understandably distressed too. But think a bit about what this means. Some of the kids are not psychotic, but psychiatrists and even general practitioners are dealing out these drugs like candy. Often they don’t know the deal either. They think they make good sedatives. I suppose they do, but not for the reasons you might think. When the child or adult becomes drowsy, that is the beginning of possibly dangerous side effects from the medication that can lead to further complications.  

It’s not too bad if the effects are subtle and don’t continue, but it can lead to other things. When side effects become apparent in some people, it means there is a residue of medication building up in the bloodstream with every dose because the liver does not have the capacity to process it. If the adult or child happens to be the unfortunate one person in fourteen who does not have sufficient liver enzyme to metabolize the dose, they can quietly slip into a coma and die, or develop a potentially lethal heart arrhythmia, or Creatin Kinase elevation that can blow out the kidneys, requiring a transplant. I convey this information because I have been directly in the middle of such a crisis. The patient could have these events happen at night leaving the parents unaware till morning. If the patient begins to sweat more than usual, alarm bells should ring.

Then there is the matter of changes to the dopamine receptors on the growing brain. D1 dopamine receptor is where many of the antipsychotics target, either steadily reducing or elevating their numbers. So when the child becomes an adult don’t be surprised if he or she is different to others and has trouble fitting in. You may not recognize that lovely little person you used to know, and be sure they are not coming back. It’s when you may reject them and their feelings are hurt beyond belief, they will resort to unsociable behaviours, and possibly in some unusual cases, revenge. I don’t feel the need to go into that, I believe you can work it out.

So this is it, there is no magic pill to substitute for parenting, and I don’t include the children who are diagnosed with a serious personality or genetic disorder, they have no choice. Resist while you have the opportunity if you can, and if your children are acting up, and if it is within your means, give them a spontaneous hug, take them out of town for a spot of fishing, a laugh and an ice cream. You won’t regret it.

Let’s Talk about Psychiatry

Let’s Talk about Psychiatry

By Frances Harris

To begin with, to be fair to psychiatry, I would welcome input from psychiatrists if they have had better outcomes than those in this story.

It’s for sure there are not many of them in this town. Some patients do make it through the system in better shape than they started out, but (after sixteen years as a committed advocate) feedback and experience from inside treating and supporting organisations, I haven’t seen the best results.  The majority are in no position to advocate on their own behalf due to their circumstances, and they probably never will.

Most people or a relative will touch bases with a psychiatrist at some time in their lifetime. Often they will unexpectedly and urgently need help, but from experiences with my son Edward, I advise those people to look carefully before you leap into the world of psychiatry and psychotropic drugs.  The work of a neurologist and a General Practitioner could sometimes be enough. If you or a relative are involved in illicit or overused prescribed medications then I suggest you should read this message and its updates. The story will make you feel uncomfortable, make you cringe and possibly scare you, but it’s out there and won’t go away even if you shut down your computer for now.

The mental health system is like a quicksand pit that once a person is in it, rarely do they escape. Containment of those in this wide net is something sanctioned by law. Unfortunately there seems to be significant by-catch in that net, with misdiagnosis and the like. Much of it is cruel, stressful and confusing, and one must realize the psychiatrist is always right, or there can be consequences. In the event of a mental health event, it is the most stressful feeling when your loved one is treated at the whim of a psychiatrist. Often that person neither knows the patient, nor cares, and there is no other option available.

In the beginning, diagnosis is often at the whim of the first psychiatrist you meet. Right or wrong that diagnosis is broadcast to the mental health system, and the Road Traffic Authority for life, even if it is revised later. There is no exit from that treatment without the risk of having the driving licence suspended. On entering a hospital the patient will likely be forever treated according to the first diagnosis, even if another psychiatrist sees it differently.

In my son Edward’s case, when he enters the doors of Frankston hospital he must conform to the first diagnosis, and when he walks outside the doors he reverts to the second diagnosis

If a patient is not happy with the treatment of their psychiatrist, and chooses another health professional, the initial psychiatrist has been known to send out an alert to all health facilities on a whim, that the patient is – non compliant with his medication, even though that psychiatrist is no longer the treating doctor. That can be done without evidence from blood tests or interviews with friends and relatives, and even if the patient is on another prescribed medication at the time. There is no way to revoke that alert once it goes out.

Sanctioned treatment inflicted on mental health patients would by law, bring on a significant jail sentence if inflicted on an animal.

Edward has been involved in the Frankston (Hospital) Mental Health System, Victoria, Australia; one of the country’s biggest centres for mental health treatment after many unhelpful years in the private sector.

It’s now time to open up to scrutiny a few of the darkest spaces of the mental health system. I will update this message in small bites periodically, because the story is confronting. I acknowledge the mental health service is only as good as funding from governments and the quality of its hired staff. Many want to do better, but are hampered by resources, while others don’t care what happens and duck for cover when questions are asked. The lives of these people are of no interest to them. The mental health service is secretive and anyone trying to get information is usually frustrated.

And essentially, for the unaware, there must be strong advocacy to ensure survival.

In the background looms the undeclared inducements offered to psychiatrist, and clinics that can heavily influence the patient’s treatment. The truth is; a psychiatrist has, ‘next to no idea,’ what psychotropic medicines do to the human body. If there is hypersensitivity, or a slow absorption rate, chances are the life of that person will be at risk, because the system is geared to; ‘one size fits all.’ Rarely are blood tests done to check drug tolerance, screen for allergy, heart problems, or given blood tests for medication levels. Unless the advocate brings these things to the attention of the treating psychiatrist, they are rarely addressed.

Some drugs don’t show up in a toxicity test.  There are injections that have no antidote if something goes wrong, and these have a history of patients who drop dead for no recognizable reason. The producing company has a vested interest in recommending the maximum dose for maximum profit. It is built in to directions.

As I am an advocate and think, after sixteen years of being in the forefront of the mental health action, I feel qualified to draw the spotlight onto the work of psychiatrists there, both private and public. We have been in the private system, the public system and – then successfully opted out of both after injury to successfully take the advice of our general practitioner.

I’m sure there are many fine, highly skilled, caring psychiatrists out there, but to date I’ve never met any of them, or heard of one, or been recommended to one by a wise professional. Three years ago when I asked staff in the hospital system and the clinic, ‘where can I find a good psychiatrist?’ I was told - there are none.  Now, I hear there are three psychiatrists within driving distance, but don’t know how to find them.

The first real surprise  that came forward about psychiatrists is something that left me wondering. I always thought they would have undergone extensive years of training in say, toxicology, immunology, psychology, brain diagnostics, structure etc. ……… so, highly skilled like a heart surgeon.

The truth is; a psychiatrist is a General Practitioner who has been given - on the job training in a psychiatric facility, while doing some general study, then within two years – joins the field as a qualified psychiatrist. I think a chiropractor does similar years of training.

So the difference between mainstream medicine and psychiatry is that doctors make every effort to save the patient in danger. But the life of the patient with a mental illness who has potentially life threatening symptoms, the psychiatrist will remain fixated on looking for breakthrough symptom, at any cost, including, sometimes accidentally the life of the patient. Edward faced a life threatening condition that was dismissed by a psychiatrist at the hospital even before the diagnostic evidence was seriously examined. Luckily a second hospital picked it up.

When Edward was diagnosed with a potential life-threatening heart condition at the second hospital, I was told by a staff member on behalf of the Frankston clinic psychiatrist – ‘You are the only one who is worried about it!’ Now, I have the same condition, and when found by the hospital,  all resources were employed to care for me. So what does that say about our mental health system?

Is it any wonder that many with mental illness die from anxiety, not to mention anxious parents, and to add there are more who leave the hospital so distressed from incarceration at Frankston Hospital they go straight to the train lines to take their own life, or jump from a great height, or overdose on anything that will numb the trauma of treatment. This method of treatment is all in the interests of dulling a few breakthrough symptoms of mental illness. The costs compared with benefits are way out of line. Chances are the patient will need trauma treatment after discharge from hospital.

I will progressively roll out some more uneasy truths about psychiatry, and the never ending hamster wheel of prescribed drugs, perpetual medication change and poor health.  Then there are the mentally ill who are forced to undergo treatment on a Community Treatment Order; where the patient must watch their body deteriorate before their eyes and can’t do anything about it. It must be like hell for them.

Is anyone in charge? I don’t know.

Have a good week.

MY CHILD WON'T COOPERATE

MY CHILD IS BEING UNREASONABLE

By Frances Harris

The story often goes with: my child is two years old and I know she doesn’t have insight, but her unreasonable behaviour is almost making me tear my hair out. Dinner time is one of the worst. If she sees anything green in her bowl, she has to pick it out, one speck at a time, and sometimes refuses to touch it afterwards.

It is well known toddlers have a short attention span, so if one of them is matched up with a set of parents who have a pressing lifestyle and a short fuse, then the words describing their child will be like: impossible, uncontrollable, difficult and tiring in their conversations. In a relaxed environment the outcome can sometimes be noticeably different. Unfortunately natural selection has little to do with order. Then, if you take another child who depends on routine for security and he is matched with parents who have a very layback, unpredictable lifestyle, they could find their normally sweet little toddler turns into an anxious little tyrant. A good indicator of how this is going is when the child goes to stay with grandma and grandpa who have very tight routines and plenty of time to nurture. The parents see on their return to pick him up their little tyrant has return to his reasonable adorable little self. Unfortunately it can cause conflict in families when the parents are not in a position to pay as much attention to their toddler as the grandparents. It’s easy to blame the child for his unreasonable behaviour, but sometimes we have to cast the net wider to find the cause.

The bottom line is - the first priority is to take care of the parents, because if they are not coping with family life, what chance does the innocent child have? One of the best tools in the arsenal is good company and someone the share stories with. There’s no point trying to talk about the lists of bad habits of your child with a childless couple or a neighbour who spends her life in the French Alps as far away from children as possible. It’s important to seek out like minded parents, so that way it is possible to gain new insights and solutions and friendships listening to the experience of others. Sometimes being part of a group can bring solace to a lonely exhausted parent. That way the tired mind can regain its balance, and adjust unreasonable expectations and ideas.  There are lots of parent groups that can be found by tapping into child care networks and local councils. Even if it requires getting help to finish the chores at home so parents can spend and hour or two in good company, would be a good idea. Such connections could significantly reduce tension in the family and especially with the child. Children are like little hair trigger sonar systems. They can locate a change in mood of anyone in the family at a moment’s notice and immediately adjust their insecurity levels up or down to match. 

Nobody has the magic wand to solve all of the childhood problems, and some take more intense motivation than others to reach an expected standard of development. For the parents who expect all milestones to be met within the expected times, I have to tell you disappointment will most likely be your closest friend. For those who are thinking of embarking on parenthood, it is important to accept that no matter what your best efforts may be, parenting is on a level with skating on thin ice. What you do, contributes somewhat to the eventual outcome of your child’s life, but much of it depends on who they choose to influence them, how they interpret large and small life events and the reliability of the body that can send all your good plans spiralling downwards at a moment’s notice. Essential is one or more sound role models, especially of the same gender. I have watched many parents raise their children and been surprised by the variations of success when I thought it was certain for most.

But I have noticed one enduring theme that can do a lot to pull a bad situation out of a ditch. It is the ability of the parent’s to laugh when others might cry. They laugh at the situation they have landed in, laugh at themselves and most of all teach their child to laugh with them. It can be the tonic that stops the dark clouds from spreading further and gives everyone the little pause to build up the will to go on. What if everyone could do this, wouldn’t the world be a better place?

WHEN MY TODDLER RUNS OFF

 WANDERING TODDLERS

 By Frances Harris

For many parents, they may find it hard to reconcile that their previously docile toddler has transformed into an instant sprint champion in training, just as soon as he or she steps outside the front door onto the street. Then, they can count on it that their child will build up speed as soon as they see an intersection coming up. When one toddler can leave both parents exhausted and frustrated from a simple day out, just imagine what two or even three toddlers can do to two previously well balanced adults. Then to add another level of frustration to the mix, just imagine when your best friend's two children walk quietly along the street beside their parents and yours suddenly disappear around the corner of the footpath when you turned your head for a second. You know they will be heading straight for a busy highway. I’m speaking from experience.

Most times children are not always being wilfully naughty or defiant when they suddenly run, in fact they are probably not thinking much at all. The most dominant motivation in the fast moving unpredictable toddler is the urge to explore. They are actively keen to investigate and challenge their new unknown world. The challenge to the parents is to teach the child to be careful and to clearly identify what should be avoided, like rubbish on the street. On the other hand, they need to know what needs to be done, like to hold the parent’s hand when in crowded streets and when crossing the road. There is no point getting annoyed about an innocent accident or oversight by the toddler, because they don’t have the insight to always make good decisions.

One very good technique to keeping the impulsive toddler close to the parent in times of uncertainty is to stimulate his or her imagination, to look at interesting things and discuss what they might mean to a small mind. To tell simple stories about the world around them should engage the growing imagination. Toddlers can be hard work when parents decide to take a leisurely walk, but little children are hard work no matter what path they decide to take. On the flip side, the other option parents have is to be constantly on the run. To the dismay of many parents, they discover that even if they set in place routines explaining to the child where to stop and wait for an adult, and at the edge of the road they should look both ways, they can never take it for granted their child will be consistent every time.

I was caught out with by my beautifully reliable little toddler, the first child. I had been telling him about the red, orange and green intersection lights. I ran through what they mean and how we must not go across on the orange and red lights. On a stroll to the shops, we reached a set of lights and I was taking his new baby brother in a pram. As we were coming up to the lights and I was expecting him to take my hand, he decided he should rush across the street before the red. He made it to the other side when the light turned red. He was on one other side of a very busy road and I was on the other with the pram. I was terrified he would try to run back through the traffic to get to me. Luckily I had told him in fairly graphic terms what happens to people if a car runs over them and he didn’t want to chance it. (People become as flat as a pancake) Many might not agree with my parenting techniques, but I believe that day it saved his life. Things can get out of control very quickly with a toddler in tow, and even faster if there is another child to pay attention to.

I discovered another valuable technique to develop insight and confidence in my toddlers. When the environment is safe, let the toddler be in charge of the decision making. It’s good experience, a confidence builder and introduces them to the concept being responsible for the welfare of loved ones. As time goes on they begin to pick up the social expectations they will be faced with in later life.  This technique doesn’t work on all toddlers, as his brother showed little interest in taking the lead.

One day when my children were very young, I was driving to the shops on a quiet back street, to find a young child crawling down the white line in the middle of the road. My heart nearly stopped. There had been a lot of commotion about touching another person’s child and possibly being charged with a crime. I thought if I go to jail, at least I will know I saved a life. I pulled the car over to the curb and quickly picked up the little boy. I walked into the nearest house and asked - has anybody in the neighbourhood lost a baby? The man who came to the front door went back to the couch and explained how when he had been chilling out with a few cans of beer; the baby had crawled out the open front door onto the street.

No matter how many books I have read and how many professional and experienced people I have talked to, there is no substitute for never taking our eyes of the young mobile child. What if some of you know a better path? If you do, please share with the devoted parents of toddlers who should be applauded for their daily and lifetime dedication to their little people. 





BODY IMAGE

BODY IMAGE

By Frances Harris

Social media has some good points to it, a way to catch up, see beautiful pictures and a vehicle to dream and imagine.  Viewers can temporarily present as someone else if they aren’t satisfied with who they are. Winners on social media are expected to put their best foot forward and self-promotion or product promotion is the key. It becomes a problem when we and generations coming after us believe the spin.  The lines become blurred between fact and fiction but are presented to us as fact. A little like brain washing in a way. For developing minds, using social media has almost replaced the influence of mature adults for a child’s moral and personal compass. This is a daunting thought, depending on which stream they may decide to choose. The growing young mind is a very plastic organ which can be skewed in many ways with strong enough stimuli. And once the attitude is set in concrete, it’s difficult to change.

On a personal level, body image has become the new measure of self-worth. It determines who will be acceptable to marry and in extreme cases, can determine which people are acceptable to associate with. It is likely to influence future income and most of all, be the yardstick to measure the look of an acceptable friend, and what others might think of us. What a mountain of pressure to carry around on the shoulders! Is it any wonder a huge number of teens have considered suicide? Imagine wondering every day, - am I inside our outside the circle today? Guests may feel at every family gathering or social event, a sea of eyes of checking them out to see who has gained and extra milligram of weight since last time. Then when food is served, you see frightened committed people taking a micro serving of food, in case someone should catch them eating over the required calorie intake for the day. For me, I lived my life in a place where everyone is welcome to enjoy the food and a chance to engage in good conversation. I feel that the dimming of this concept is understandable when it is matched against potential income, but makes us all the poorer for it. Surely there is a way to find a balance.

Children watch their parents right from day one and carefully absorb their approach to life. When being super slim is more talked about in the home than being honest, caring and truthful, it bears some thought as to where we are aiming our future citizens. Our obsession with body image is cause for immense suffering. Those who can’t maintain the slim toned body, those who are showing a few signs of age and can’t maintain the momentum immediately fear their most valuable currency is slipping away, leaving them vulnerable. At the time of their life when they should be able to look back, appreciate the journey and reflect, they are stressed and preoccupied with maintaining a nearly unachievable body image. No matter what beauty products or body changing mechanisms are used, the truth is they doesn’t disguise age or attitude. Yes, the skin can be made smoother, teeth can be made pearlier, hair colour can be kept colourful, and promote the illusion of youthfulness, but the image is often only present only in the recipient’s thoughts. If we can’t accept that the body changes, there is surely a lot of pain ahead.  

Every time we log into social media, how often do you see a person with a regular body shape? Photo shop and air brushing can do wonders for the blemish or imperfect shape, but it is not a measure of reality. The pressure on us has become enormous. What’s wrong with a healthy body shape that suits our frame and height? With so many normal people and especially children being taken out of the equation of what is normal, is it any wonder that nearly one in four teens are showing signs of mental illness. This is energy taken away from achieving their life goals and put into something gruelling and unachievable. The madness is not with the children or the teens; it is with the adults and our willingness to promote the fairy tale. Remember Marylyn Munroe and her alluring beauty? It had little to do with calories. So what if we continue on this hazy path our future citizens and leaders are being encouraged to take? I don’t dare the guess.



WHAT IF WE HAVE CHILDREN?

WHAT IF WE HAVE CHILDREN?

By Frances Harris

Long after the battle is over, and each of the children has chosen a path in life, it is the reflection by the parents on what happened in those difficult years that provides the questions that follow – what if?  On a T.V. program yesterday I heard that fewer couples than ever are prepared to have children and wondered why?  - Or why not? Each of my children has a personality not like the others, but somehow by pure luck we all managed to get by.

Maybe grandparents will remember Dr Benjamin Spock and his series of books, the first being, Baby and Child Care, 1946. This one had become the new mother’s bible of how to raise the perfect child in the late 1940’s and further on. One of the guiding tenants in the Spock series is that the child should not be spoiled. If a child cries excessively, it should be put in a quiet secluded room and let it cry itself out. Experienced grandmas were still cuddling and rocking their grandchildren to sleep while the parents were away, as they had raised their own children, then when the parents came back, the same child was left to fend for itself in the back room. Spare the rod and spoil the child, was the enduring theme, and some parents even went so far as to believe the more they spanked their children, the better they would become. All this gives me the feeling that children grow up fairly well adjusted in spite of their upbringing, not because of it.

The Dr Spock experiment was shelved and replaced by a new one that came out in varying forms in the 1980’s. Imagine from the 1940’s, a whole generation of people now know they were brought up the wrong way, and they will never be sure if their problems evolved because of their upbringing. So who took the guilt, frustration and the blame for these forays into psychology? - It’s the mother of course. Imagine life before the 1940’s when it was presented as medical fact that if a child went off the rails, it was unquestioningly the mother’s fault. There was little effort put into analysing the problem because the outcome was already decided. It was considered the father did not contribute to the outcome one jot. Good children were a father’s joy and bad ones, a mother’s shame.

I have since come across a book called; Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green, first published in 1984 that provides some clues about what happened next to child rearing. The conventional view had evolved from the 1940’s giving instructions to the mother from a professional, then to ones that ventured into pure speculation of the 1980’s. This book written is an 80’s looks at the personalities of good, not so good and difficult children and gives advice on what not to do to raise them. It analyses and discusses the effects of nature versus nurture and theories on how they might contribute to childhood behaviour. It also tries to pick out the thorns of a rocky relationship formed when a child and a parent are totally unsuited to each other.

The one common quality in this and similar books since, is that qualified authors rarely commit to advice on what a parent should actually do to modify childhood behaviours. They have a few good chapters emphasising consistency and order being the key factors in successful parenting. They focus on theories of what the author thinks went wrong after the event. They offer ideas about what may influence toddler and child behaviour as a guiding light to new parents. Is it any wonder people headed for the hills in a caravan and gave fate a chance in the raising of their children?

Now, in 2013, we have new generations of couples trying to grapple with the important decision whether to build a family, or not to building one. The inconstancies and escalating costs of child care first come to mind in the planning. Most couples don’t have the luxury of extended family members willing to take up the slack when the things go wrong. Couples tend to examine what happened to their friends who have gone into parenthood ahead of them. How often do we see a new mother returned to work just to find there has been - a need based review of positions, where the mother’s job has been either abolished or downgraded? I hear of it all the time. This is a major factor included in the list of pros and cons compiled by couples. Presently there is no Australian legislation strong enough to prove there was discrimination intended.

A sick child can mean a lifetime of poverty from taking care of its needs. Marriages and relationships regularly break up and instantly the full weight of parenthood will fall heavily onto the mother’s shoulders. It can take the next twenty years or so of sorting out the mess before she can financially and emotionally rebuild her life.  Then for some very unlucky parents, at the end of child raising they may find their children declare they don’t like them, and cut the ties.

In the big picture of things, if enough couples decide to opt out of parenthood there are profound economic consequences for countries. Japan is feeling the pressure right now. Governments are going to extraordinary lengths to convince their young people that they should have children. If not, there will be less future tax payers to support aged parents and social services, and this has worried politicians. Despite the Japanese efforts, the population is still decreasing there, and in European countries, in the USA and others. I still recall one of Australia’s past treasurers saying to couples ‘have one child for the father, one for the mother and one for the country.’ There was a baby spike in the population shortly after when the government increased the baby concessions. I think the numbers have since levelled out.

The next point that most potential parents like to consider, is the worry that they could spend their old age alone, vulnerable and sad. When a partner dies, there is likely to be no one in a position to help out. So there I leave the discussion, not judging or being surprised when young couples decide not to have children, and not being surprised when they do. Whatever their decision, I wish them well, and if they do, I can say nothing in this world compares with the joy parents feel when handed their new little person for the very first time.







DO WE SMACK, OR NOT?

DO WE SMACK, OR NOT?

By Frances Harris

I’ve never met a parent who did not want the best for their children. And I’ve rarely met a parent who has the skills to meet their own lofty standards always. Smacking and sometimes beating children has been in existence as far back as I can remember, and further. It is a big subject being discussed in Australia today. Sections of the government want to legislate to stop smacking.

I have been passionately on both sides of the argument at some time, first not to smack, then as a more experienced parent to give a short sharp smack on the least sensitive part of the body when the child is out of control and can’t be coaxed. Now, after years of thought, I can’t decide. There are problems on each side. Maybe they are both right in differing ways. You see, smacking might be a bad thing, but if it’s taken away, there needs to be something better to take its place. So far I’ve not seen the magic system that universally works on all children.

To examine the history of my own family, beginning around the turn of the 19^th Century, numbers of children in an average family would range between five and twelve. Many families, including my own earned a living through hard manual labour, and particularly on rural properties. If a child was not able, or didn’t want to follow instructions, the situation could easily end badly for the child. Child mortality due to accident and injury was high and medical intervention was practically non-existent. There were no second chances to get it right.  It was almost impossible for mothers to keep track all of the children at any one time, there were too many of them and too little available time to pay full attention. If a child was engaging in dangerous behaviour, there needed to be a short sharp reminder, and there were no other viable alternatives to the smack.

The enduring system in my Grandma’s time was that the unprepared older siblings were assigned a younger child to take care of and that person and was a stand-in mother and father until the child reached adulthood. With their immaturity and lack of experience, the only tool siblings had in the arsenal was the smack.  In serious cases of defiance a parent would step in and rectify the problem. While mother was putting most of her labour into managing the heavy domestic chores, father would often be away either employed or attending farm duties. Parents had to be stern, because the success of the whole family structure rested on obedience and teamwork. There were many stories of how a child lapsed for a moment, only to be lost in a river, fallen off a horse or come to grief. Child mortality rates were very high.

There were fire, unregulated vehicles, anxious mules, angry bulls, pigs, goats, water holes, water tanks, animal traps, guns, silos, crocodiles, becoming lost in the bush, lethal substances and endless other possibilities to snare children. And if the older child taking care of the infant was irresponsible, there could be a double tragedy. My grandparents, out of love,  were unyielding with the corporal punishment and discipline of their children, but none of them died and no one wandered off. But still there was an accidental shooting, a snake bite due to a child bending the rules, one was run over by a truck through not paying attention, another one hit in the eye with a full bucket of milk, my mother slipped into the bull pen for a challenge, and had a close shave with an angry Jersey bull, using a plank to ward it off. Another child sat on an ants nest when told not to. Imagine what they could have done without supervision? They learned very early in life to cope in times of adversity, and as adults successfully navigated through life in varying degrees.

Now many of us feel our modern society is much safer than it used to be, so there should be no need to be harsh. Perhaps we don’t need to be so protective of our children. However if we examine modern life with a steady magnifying glass, we might think again. Nine year old children are being lured by drug traffickers. Child sexual abuse is rife. Traffic accidents, poisonings, swallowing objects, accidental chokings, abductions and a string of dangers are still out there. Young unsupervised children and teens are too often being lured from their homes through the internet. Parents are working outside the home more than ever in this last half century. Children are being left in the care of grand parents and others, and it is often that while the parents are away, innocent and unprepared children are left to roam freely.

In most cases there is little time left over at home for tired parents to do the conditioning necessary to develop their children, which once again parallels earlier times. So in desperation, when children  break or loose expensive things, and won’t eat their breakfast, pick up their toys, got to bed on time, take a shower and get in the car when it’s time to go:- these same stresses effect parents who will in desperation, let out a perpetual stream of verbal abusive. You idiot, you are so lazy, I wish you were never born, I hate you, you are so ungrateful, no one could love you, nobody likes you, I’ll give you away if…, and so one. I’ve heard it all. But on the other hand, it is also true some parents go too far with physical punishment. So is which worse, the one above, or a responsibly snacked child who knows he or she is loved, but may be emotionally damaged? For the children who have been seriously assaulted in the name of discipline – we already have laws to deal with that. True, there will always be people who become parents who are just not equipped for the job. So if we legislate on the smack, should we also outlaw verbal abuse? What then is the future of the perpetually disobedient child? We all know one, surely. Will foster care numbers balloon? There are lots of questions and few answers available. It could mean later in life some parents will give up all together if parenting gets too hard, and depending on their circumstances, leave the child to his or her own devices. I think of the difficulties of being a sole unsupported parent. That’s when the child’s story could ramp up a notch to be the adult who is heading for the criminal justice system.

So the questions are - is it the child who is not smacked, but left feeling worthless and unloved and very uncertain about his or her personal value in the world better off than the one who is smacked, and possibly emotionally and physically injured? Does the smacked child become the wary adult? And are does the insecure not smacked, sometimes pampered child more vulnerable to be lured by stronger personalities into harmful pursuits. Who is better off? Available evidence reveals that the encouraged, highly pampered overly rewarded and overly praised child could develop into the needy over sensitive adult. So where is the balance, and where are the tipping points? We can only guess.

I’ve raised my children but still don’t come down firmly on any side. Maybe it should still be left to the judgement of the parent, without government intervention. It’s true, non-smacking is a very successful strategy in some Nordic countries, but they have generous subsidies to allow parents to spend more time with their children. If the Australian government was prepared to take this on, I think it would probably drift toward their side. I can’t see that is likely.

So what if we stop smacking? I will let you be the judge.