WHEN MY TODDLER RUNS OFF

 WANDERING TODDLERS

 By Frances Harris

For many parents, they may find it hard to reconcile that their previously docile toddler has transformed into an instant sprint champion in training, just as soon as he or she steps outside the front door onto the street. Then, they can count on it that their child will build up speed as soon as they see an intersection coming up. When one toddler can leave both parents exhausted and frustrated from a simple day out, just imagine what two or even three toddlers can do to two previously well balanced adults. Then to add another level of frustration to the mix, just imagine when your best friend's two children walk quietly along the street beside their parents and yours suddenly disappear around the corner of the footpath when you turned your head for a second. You know they will be heading straight for a busy highway. I’m speaking from experience.

Most times children are not always being wilfully naughty or defiant when they suddenly run, in fact they are probably not thinking much at all. The most dominant motivation in the fast moving unpredictable toddler is the urge to explore. They are actively keen to investigate and challenge their new unknown world. The challenge to the parents is to teach the child to be careful and to clearly identify what should be avoided, like rubbish on the street. On the other hand, they need to know what needs to be done, like to hold the parent’s hand when in crowded streets and when crossing the road. There is no point getting annoyed about an innocent accident or oversight by the toddler, because they don’t have the insight to always make good decisions.

One very good technique to keeping the impulsive toddler close to the parent in times of uncertainty is to stimulate his or her imagination, to look at interesting things and discuss what they might mean to a small mind. To tell simple stories about the world around them should engage the growing imagination. Toddlers can be hard work when parents decide to take a leisurely walk, but little children are hard work no matter what path they decide to take. On the flip side, the other option parents have is to be constantly on the run. To the dismay of many parents, they discover that even if they set in place routines explaining to the child where to stop and wait for an adult, and at the edge of the road they should look both ways, they can never take it for granted their child will be consistent every time.

I was caught out with by my beautifully reliable little toddler, the first child. I had been telling him about the red, orange and green intersection lights. I ran through what they mean and how we must not go across on the orange and red lights. On a stroll to the shops, we reached a set of lights and I was taking his new baby brother in a pram. As we were coming up to the lights and I was expecting him to take my hand, he decided he should rush across the street before the red. He made it to the other side when the light turned red. He was on one other side of a very busy road and I was on the other with the pram. I was terrified he would try to run back through the traffic to get to me. Luckily I had told him in fairly graphic terms what happens to people if a car runs over them and he didn’t want to chance it. (People become as flat as a pancake) Many might not agree with my parenting techniques, but I believe that day it saved his life. Things can get out of control very quickly with a toddler in tow, and even faster if there is another child to pay attention to.

I discovered another valuable technique to develop insight and confidence in my toddlers. When the environment is safe, let the toddler be in charge of the decision making. It’s good experience, a confidence builder and introduces them to the concept being responsible for the welfare of loved ones. As time goes on they begin to pick up the social expectations they will be faced with in later life.  This technique doesn’t work on all toddlers, as his brother showed little interest in taking the lead.

One day when my children were very young, I was driving to the shops on a quiet back street, to find a young child crawling down the white line in the middle of the road. My heart nearly stopped. There had been a lot of commotion about touching another person’s child and possibly being charged with a crime. I thought if I go to jail, at least I will know I saved a life. I pulled the car over to the curb and quickly picked up the little boy. I walked into the nearest house and asked - has anybody in the neighbourhood lost a baby? The man who came to the front door went back to the couch and explained how when he had been chilling out with a few cans of beer; the baby had crawled out the open front door onto the street.

No matter how many books I have read and how many professional and experienced people I have talked to, there is no substitute for never taking our eyes of the young mobile child. What if some of you know a better path? If you do, please share with the devoted parents of toddlers who should be applauded for their daily and lifetime dedication to their little people.