MY CHILD WON'T COOPERATE

MY CHILD IS BEING UNREASONABLE

By Frances Harris

The story often goes with: my child is two years old and I know she doesn’t have insight, but her unreasonable behaviour is almost making me tear my hair out. Dinner time is one of the worst. If she sees anything green in her bowl, she has to pick it out, one speck at a time, and sometimes refuses to touch it afterwards.

It is well known toddlers have a short attention span, so if one of them is matched up with a set of parents who have a pressing lifestyle and a short fuse, then the words describing their child will be like: impossible, uncontrollable, difficult and tiring in their conversations. In a relaxed environment the outcome can sometimes be noticeably different. Unfortunately natural selection has little to do with order. Then, if you take another child who depends on routine for security and he is matched with parents who have a very layback, unpredictable lifestyle, they could find their normally sweet little toddler turns into an anxious little tyrant. A good indicator of how this is going is when the child goes to stay with grandma and grandpa who have very tight routines and plenty of time to nurture. The parents see on their return to pick him up their little tyrant has return to his reasonable adorable little self. Unfortunately it can cause conflict in families when the parents are not in a position to pay as much attention to their toddler as the grandparents. It’s easy to blame the child for his unreasonable behaviour, but sometimes we have to cast the net wider to find the cause.

The bottom line is - the first priority is to take care of the parents, because if they are not coping with family life, what chance does the innocent child have? One of the best tools in the arsenal is good company and someone the share stories with. There’s no point trying to talk about the lists of bad habits of your child with a childless couple or a neighbour who spends her life in the French Alps as far away from children as possible. It’s important to seek out like minded parents, so that way it is possible to gain new insights and solutions and friendships listening to the experience of others. Sometimes being part of a group can bring solace to a lonely exhausted parent. That way the tired mind can regain its balance, and adjust unreasonable expectations and ideas.  There are lots of parent groups that can be found by tapping into child care networks and local councils. Even if it requires getting help to finish the chores at home so parents can spend and hour or two in good company, would be a good idea. Such connections could significantly reduce tension in the family and especially with the child. Children are like little hair trigger sonar systems. They can locate a change in mood of anyone in the family at a moment’s notice and immediately adjust their insecurity levels up or down to match. 

Nobody has the magic wand to solve all of the childhood problems, and some take more intense motivation than others to reach an expected standard of development. For the parents who expect all milestones to be met within the expected times, I have to tell you disappointment will most likely be your closest friend. For those who are thinking of embarking on parenthood, it is important to accept that no matter what your best efforts may be, parenting is on a level with skating on thin ice. What you do, contributes somewhat to the eventual outcome of your child’s life, but much of it depends on who they choose to influence them, how they interpret large and small life events and the reliability of the body that can send all your good plans spiralling downwards at a moment’s notice. Essential is one or more sound role models, especially of the same gender. I have watched many parents raise their children and been surprised by the variations of success when I thought it was certain for most.

But I have noticed one enduring theme that can do a lot to pull a bad situation out of a ditch. It is the ability of the parent’s to laugh when others might cry. They laugh at the situation they have landed in, laugh at themselves and most of all teach their child to laugh with them. It can be the tonic that stops the dark clouds from spreading further and gives everyone the little pause to build up the will to go on. What if everyone could do this, wouldn’t the world be a better place?

WHEN MY TODDLER RUNS OFF

 WANDERING TODDLERS

 By Frances Harris

For many parents, they may find it hard to reconcile that their previously docile toddler has transformed into an instant sprint champion in training, just as soon as he or she steps outside the front door onto the street. Then, they can count on it that their child will build up speed as soon as they see an intersection coming up. When one toddler can leave both parents exhausted and frustrated from a simple day out, just imagine what two or even three toddlers can do to two previously well balanced adults. Then to add another level of frustration to the mix, just imagine when your best friend's two children walk quietly along the street beside their parents and yours suddenly disappear around the corner of the footpath when you turned your head for a second. You know they will be heading straight for a busy highway. I’m speaking from experience.

Most times children are not always being wilfully naughty or defiant when they suddenly run, in fact they are probably not thinking much at all. The most dominant motivation in the fast moving unpredictable toddler is the urge to explore. They are actively keen to investigate and challenge their new unknown world. The challenge to the parents is to teach the child to be careful and to clearly identify what should be avoided, like rubbish on the street. On the other hand, they need to know what needs to be done, like to hold the parent’s hand when in crowded streets and when crossing the road. There is no point getting annoyed about an innocent accident or oversight by the toddler, because they don’t have the insight to always make good decisions.

One very good technique to keeping the impulsive toddler close to the parent in times of uncertainty is to stimulate his or her imagination, to look at interesting things and discuss what they might mean to a small mind. To tell simple stories about the world around them should engage the growing imagination. Toddlers can be hard work when parents decide to take a leisurely walk, but little children are hard work no matter what path they decide to take. On the flip side, the other option parents have is to be constantly on the run. To the dismay of many parents, they discover that even if they set in place routines explaining to the child where to stop and wait for an adult, and at the edge of the road they should look both ways, they can never take it for granted their child will be consistent every time.

I was caught out with by my beautifully reliable little toddler, the first child. I had been telling him about the red, orange and green intersection lights. I ran through what they mean and how we must not go across on the orange and red lights. On a stroll to the shops, we reached a set of lights and I was taking his new baby brother in a pram. As we were coming up to the lights and I was expecting him to take my hand, he decided he should rush across the street before the red. He made it to the other side when the light turned red. He was on one other side of a very busy road and I was on the other with the pram. I was terrified he would try to run back through the traffic to get to me. Luckily I had told him in fairly graphic terms what happens to people if a car runs over them and he didn’t want to chance it. (People become as flat as a pancake) Many might not agree with my parenting techniques, but I believe that day it saved his life. Things can get out of control very quickly with a toddler in tow, and even faster if there is another child to pay attention to.

I discovered another valuable technique to develop insight and confidence in my toddlers. When the environment is safe, let the toddler be in charge of the decision making. It’s good experience, a confidence builder and introduces them to the concept being responsible for the welfare of loved ones. As time goes on they begin to pick up the social expectations they will be faced with in later life.  This technique doesn’t work on all toddlers, as his brother showed little interest in taking the lead.

One day when my children were very young, I was driving to the shops on a quiet back street, to find a young child crawling down the white line in the middle of the road. My heart nearly stopped. There had been a lot of commotion about touching another person’s child and possibly being charged with a crime. I thought if I go to jail, at least I will know I saved a life. I pulled the car over to the curb and quickly picked up the little boy. I walked into the nearest house and asked - has anybody in the neighbourhood lost a baby? The man who came to the front door went back to the couch and explained how when he had been chilling out with a few cans of beer; the baby had crawled out the open front door onto the street.

No matter how many books I have read and how many professional and experienced people I have talked to, there is no substitute for never taking our eyes of the young mobile child. What if some of you know a better path? If you do, please share with the devoted parents of toddlers who should be applauded for their daily and lifetime dedication to their little people. 





BODY IMAGE

BODY IMAGE

By Frances Harris

Social media has some good points to it, a way to catch up, see beautiful pictures and a vehicle to dream and imagine.  Viewers can temporarily present as someone else if they aren’t satisfied with who they are. Winners on social media are expected to put their best foot forward and self-promotion or product promotion is the key. It becomes a problem when we and generations coming after us believe the spin.  The lines become blurred between fact and fiction but are presented to us as fact. A little like brain washing in a way. For developing minds, using social media has almost replaced the influence of mature adults for a child’s moral and personal compass. This is a daunting thought, depending on which stream they may decide to choose. The growing young mind is a very plastic organ which can be skewed in many ways with strong enough stimuli. And once the attitude is set in concrete, it’s difficult to change.

On a personal level, body image has become the new measure of self-worth. It determines who will be acceptable to marry and in extreme cases, can determine which people are acceptable to associate with. It is likely to influence future income and most of all, be the yardstick to measure the look of an acceptable friend, and what others might think of us. What a mountain of pressure to carry around on the shoulders! Is it any wonder a huge number of teens have considered suicide? Imagine wondering every day, - am I inside our outside the circle today? Guests may feel at every family gathering or social event, a sea of eyes of checking them out to see who has gained and extra milligram of weight since last time. Then when food is served, you see frightened committed people taking a micro serving of food, in case someone should catch them eating over the required calorie intake for the day. For me, I lived my life in a place where everyone is welcome to enjoy the food and a chance to engage in good conversation. I feel that the dimming of this concept is understandable when it is matched against potential income, but makes us all the poorer for it. Surely there is a way to find a balance.

Children watch their parents right from day one and carefully absorb their approach to life. When being super slim is more talked about in the home than being honest, caring and truthful, it bears some thought as to where we are aiming our future citizens. Our obsession with body image is cause for immense suffering. Those who can’t maintain the slim toned body, those who are showing a few signs of age and can’t maintain the momentum immediately fear their most valuable currency is slipping away, leaving them vulnerable. At the time of their life when they should be able to look back, appreciate the journey and reflect, they are stressed and preoccupied with maintaining a nearly unachievable body image. No matter what beauty products or body changing mechanisms are used, the truth is they doesn’t disguise age or attitude. Yes, the skin can be made smoother, teeth can be made pearlier, hair colour can be kept colourful, and promote the illusion of youthfulness, but the image is often only present only in the recipient’s thoughts. If we can’t accept that the body changes, there is surely a lot of pain ahead.  

Every time we log into social media, how often do you see a person with a regular body shape? Photo shop and air brushing can do wonders for the blemish or imperfect shape, but it is not a measure of reality. The pressure on us has become enormous. What’s wrong with a healthy body shape that suits our frame and height? With so many normal people and especially children being taken out of the equation of what is normal, is it any wonder that nearly one in four teens are showing signs of mental illness. This is energy taken away from achieving their life goals and put into something gruelling and unachievable. The madness is not with the children or the teens; it is with the adults and our willingness to promote the fairy tale. Remember Marylyn Munroe and her alluring beauty? It had little to do with calories. So what if we continue on this hazy path our future citizens and leaders are being encouraged to take? I don’t dare the guess.



WHAT IF WE HAVE CHILDREN?

WHAT IF WE HAVE CHILDREN?

By Frances Harris

Long after the battle is over, and each of the children has chosen a path in life, it is the reflection by the parents on what happened in those difficult years that provides the questions that follow – what if?  On a T.V. program yesterday I heard that fewer couples than ever are prepared to have children and wondered why?  - Or why not? Each of my children has a personality not like the others, but somehow by pure luck we all managed to get by.

Maybe grandparents will remember Dr Benjamin Spock and his series of books, the first being, Baby and Child Care, 1946. This one had become the new mother’s bible of how to raise the perfect child in the late 1940’s and further on. One of the guiding tenants in the Spock series is that the child should not be spoiled. If a child cries excessively, it should be put in a quiet secluded room and let it cry itself out. Experienced grandmas were still cuddling and rocking their grandchildren to sleep while the parents were away, as they had raised their own children, then when the parents came back, the same child was left to fend for itself in the back room. Spare the rod and spoil the child, was the enduring theme, and some parents even went so far as to believe the more they spanked their children, the better they would become. All this gives me the feeling that children grow up fairly well adjusted in spite of their upbringing, not because of it.

The Dr Spock experiment was shelved and replaced by a new one that came out in varying forms in the 1980’s. Imagine from the 1940’s, a whole generation of people now know they were brought up the wrong way, and they will never be sure if their problems evolved because of their upbringing. So who took the guilt, frustration and the blame for these forays into psychology? - It’s the mother of course. Imagine life before the 1940’s when it was presented as medical fact that if a child went off the rails, it was unquestioningly the mother’s fault. There was little effort put into analysing the problem because the outcome was already decided. It was considered the father did not contribute to the outcome one jot. Good children were a father’s joy and bad ones, a mother’s shame.

I have since come across a book called; Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green, first published in 1984 that provides some clues about what happened next to child rearing. The conventional view had evolved from the 1940’s giving instructions to the mother from a professional, then to ones that ventured into pure speculation of the 1980’s. This book written is an 80’s looks at the personalities of good, not so good and difficult children and gives advice on what not to do to raise them. It analyses and discusses the effects of nature versus nurture and theories on how they might contribute to childhood behaviour. It also tries to pick out the thorns of a rocky relationship formed when a child and a parent are totally unsuited to each other.

The one common quality in this and similar books since, is that qualified authors rarely commit to advice on what a parent should actually do to modify childhood behaviours. They have a few good chapters emphasising consistency and order being the key factors in successful parenting. They focus on theories of what the author thinks went wrong after the event. They offer ideas about what may influence toddler and child behaviour as a guiding light to new parents. Is it any wonder people headed for the hills in a caravan and gave fate a chance in the raising of their children?

Now, in 2013, we have new generations of couples trying to grapple with the important decision whether to build a family, or not to building one. The inconstancies and escalating costs of child care first come to mind in the planning. Most couples don’t have the luxury of extended family members willing to take up the slack when the things go wrong. Couples tend to examine what happened to their friends who have gone into parenthood ahead of them. How often do we see a new mother returned to work just to find there has been - a need based review of positions, where the mother’s job has been either abolished or downgraded? I hear of it all the time. This is a major factor included in the list of pros and cons compiled by couples. Presently there is no Australian legislation strong enough to prove there was discrimination intended.

A sick child can mean a lifetime of poverty from taking care of its needs. Marriages and relationships regularly break up and instantly the full weight of parenthood will fall heavily onto the mother’s shoulders. It can take the next twenty years or so of sorting out the mess before she can financially and emotionally rebuild her life.  Then for some very unlucky parents, at the end of child raising they may find their children declare they don’t like them, and cut the ties.

In the big picture of things, if enough couples decide to opt out of parenthood there are profound economic consequences for countries. Japan is feeling the pressure right now. Governments are going to extraordinary lengths to convince their young people that they should have children. If not, there will be less future tax payers to support aged parents and social services, and this has worried politicians. Despite the Japanese efforts, the population is still decreasing there, and in European countries, in the USA and others. I still recall one of Australia’s past treasurers saying to couples ‘have one child for the father, one for the mother and one for the country.’ There was a baby spike in the population shortly after when the government increased the baby concessions. I think the numbers have since levelled out.

The next point that most potential parents like to consider, is the worry that they could spend their old age alone, vulnerable and sad. When a partner dies, there is likely to be no one in a position to help out. So there I leave the discussion, not judging or being surprised when young couples decide not to have children, and not being surprised when they do. Whatever their decision, I wish them well, and if they do, I can say nothing in this world compares with the joy parents feel when handed their new little person for the very first time.







DO WE SMACK, OR NOT?

DO WE SMACK, OR NOT?

By Frances Harris

I’ve never met a parent who did not want the best for their children. And I’ve rarely met a parent who has the skills to meet their own lofty standards always. Smacking and sometimes beating children has been in existence as far back as I can remember, and further. It is a big subject being discussed in Australia today. Sections of the government want to legislate to stop smacking.

I have been passionately on both sides of the argument at some time, first not to smack, then as a more experienced parent to give a short sharp smack on the least sensitive part of the body when the child is out of control and can’t be coaxed. Now, after years of thought, I can’t decide. There are problems on each side. Maybe they are both right in differing ways. You see, smacking might be a bad thing, but if it’s taken away, there needs to be something better to take its place. So far I’ve not seen the magic system that universally works on all children.

To examine the history of my own family, beginning around the turn of the 19^th Century, numbers of children in an average family would range between five and twelve. Many families, including my own earned a living through hard manual labour, and particularly on rural properties. If a child was not able, or didn’t want to follow instructions, the situation could easily end badly for the child. Child mortality due to accident and injury was high and medical intervention was practically non-existent. There were no second chances to get it right.  It was almost impossible for mothers to keep track all of the children at any one time, there were too many of them and too little available time to pay full attention. If a child was engaging in dangerous behaviour, there needed to be a short sharp reminder, and there were no other viable alternatives to the smack.

The enduring system in my Grandma’s time was that the unprepared older siblings were assigned a younger child to take care of and that person and was a stand-in mother and father until the child reached adulthood. With their immaturity and lack of experience, the only tool siblings had in the arsenal was the smack.  In serious cases of defiance a parent would step in and rectify the problem. While mother was putting most of her labour into managing the heavy domestic chores, father would often be away either employed or attending farm duties. Parents had to be stern, because the success of the whole family structure rested on obedience and teamwork. There were many stories of how a child lapsed for a moment, only to be lost in a river, fallen off a horse or come to grief. Child mortality rates were very high.

There were fire, unregulated vehicles, anxious mules, angry bulls, pigs, goats, water holes, water tanks, animal traps, guns, silos, crocodiles, becoming lost in the bush, lethal substances and endless other possibilities to snare children. And if the older child taking care of the infant was irresponsible, there could be a double tragedy. My grandparents, out of love,  were unyielding with the corporal punishment and discipline of their children, but none of them died and no one wandered off. But still there was an accidental shooting, a snake bite due to a child bending the rules, one was run over by a truck through not paying attention, another one hit in the eye with a full bucket of milk, my mother slipped into the bull pen for a challenge, and had a close shave with an angry Jersey bull, using a plank to ward it off. Another child sat on an ants nest when told not to. Imagine what they could have done without supervision? They learned very early in life to cope in times of adversity, and as adults successfully navigated through life in varying degrees.

Now many of us feel our modern society is much safer than it used to be, so there should be no need to be harsh. Perhaps we don’t need to be so protective of our children. However if we examine modern life with a steady magnifying glass, we might think again. Nine year old children are being lured by drug traffickers. Child sexual abuse is rife. Traffic accidents, poisonings, swallowing objects, accidental chokings, abductions and a string of dangers are still out there. Young unsupervised children and teens are too often being lured from their homes through the internet. Parents are working outside the home more than ever in this last half century. Children are being left in the care of grand parents and others, and it is often that while the parents are away, innocent and unprepared children are left to roam freely.

In most cases there is little time left over at home for tired parents to do the conditioning necessary to develop their children, which once again parallels earlier times. So in desperation, when children  break or loose expensive things, and won’t eat their breakfast, pick up their toys, got to bed on time, take a shower and get in the car when it’s time to go:- these same stresses effect parents who will in desperation, let out a perpetual stream of verbal abusive. You idiot, you are so lazy, I wish you were never born, I hate you, you are so ungrateful, no one could love you, nobody likes you, I’ll give you away if…, and so one. I’ve heard it all. But on the other hand, it is also true some parents go too far with physical punishment. So is which worse, the one above, or a responsibly snacked child who knows he or she is loved, but may be emotionally damaged? For the children who have been seriously assaulted in the name of discipline – we already have laws to deal with that. True, there will always be people who become parents who are just not equipped for the job. So if we legislate on the smack, should we also outlaw verbal abuse? What then is the future of the perpetually disobedient child? We all know one, surely. Will foster care numbers balloon? There are lots of questions and few answers available. It could mean later in life some parents will give up all together if parenting gets too hard, and depending on their circumstances, leave the child to his or her own devices. I think of the difficulties of being a sole unsupported parent. That’s when the child’s story could ramp up a notch to be the adult who is heading for the criminal justice system.

So the questions are - is it the child who is not smacked, but left feeling worthless and unloved and very uncertain about his or her personal value in the world better off than the one who is smacked, and possibly emotionally and physically injured? Does the smacked child become the wary adult? And are does the insecure not smacked, sometimes pampered child more vulnerable to be lured by stronger personalities into harmful pursuits. Who is better off? Available evidence reveals that the encouraged, highly pampered overly rewarded and overly praised child could develop into the needy over sensitive adult. So where is the balance, and where are the tipping points? We can only guess.

I’ve raised my children but still don’t come down firmly on any side. Maybe it should still be left to the judgement of the parent, without government intervention. It’s true, non-smacking is a very successful strategy in some Nordic countries, but they have generous subsidies to allow parents to spend more time with their children. If the Australian government was prepared to take this on, I think it would probably drift toward their side. I can’t see that is likely.

So what if we stop smacking? I will let you be the judge.

 

 



THE VALUE OF WEALTH

 

THE VALUE OF WEALTH

By Frances Harris

Money and wealth are likely the most talked about subjects in the world, always seeming to be delicately balanced on moving tectonic plates. So in a nutshell, the world’s success at handling money is up there with managing war strategy and global warming.

In every prosperous country there will be a core of middle class workers who toil hard to earn every dollar they make, and should be able to make a comfortable living.  Without these armies of workers, there would be little chance of a viable economy to fall back on. They pay the bulk of taxes that keep the wheels of society and government turning. The middle class provides much of the money for infrastructure, social services and the running of government and the military.

Above them are the people with money who establish the companies that produce the jobs and openings for the middle class to earn a living. These highly cashed up enterprises hire the lobbyists who influence governments to exert downward pressure on their expenses, taxes and workers’ wages, keeping entrenched the tax responsibilities of the middleclass.

Next there are the underprivileged and working poor whose wages are often at subsistence level, and some will need to do more than one job to support their family. They have little capacity to contribute additional tax. And at the bottom of the pyramid are those who require ongoing social services to survive. They are the most vulnerable and usually dependent on governments and charities. They are also most likely to become homeless.

Then, somewhere in the middle are groaning central governments trying successfully; or unsuccessfully to balance the competing needs and interests of their citizens.

Looking in from the outside, there are people from poorer nations who are understandably hoping for an opportunity to get a foothold in a more prosperous country than their own. Some enter through porous borders and others come in legally. In a functioning democracy where everything is in balance, they should be smoothly taken in and cared for until their claims for residency are established. But at this time, social and economic forces are in conflict, leading to a critical shortage of resources.

And so now we have to deal with it:  – Fallout from The Global Economic Meltdown.

Over time, in many of the successful economies, and notably the United States and to a degree various European countries, mega-companies and their offshoots have found ways to split and hide the bulk of their substantial wealth overseas, thus reducing the tax base for their home country. Add to that, middle and lower class jobs are being moved overseas to countries where workers are prepared to take lower wages, and the social, government and financial structures of the home country are becoming seriously tilted.

With a swelling pool of unemployed middle class workers, and shrinking job markets, the question is – where is the money to run the home country going to come from? Wages are too low to increase tax from low paid workers. The wealthy have rejected the suggestion that they should pay more, and those on social services can’t pay extra or survive without help. The remnants of the middle class are stressed to breaking point.

Suggestions that benefits should be timed out for the disadvantaged and unemployed means that charities, jails and hospitals will be overwhelmed by the weight of more need. Court’s will be tied up with litigation against more criminal behaviour and it stands to reason stress related illness will skyrocket tying up medical services.  Deprived people will find a way to get what they want, and resources of charities will be stretched beyond capacity. This surely means there will be more drain on government budgets to come.

If welfare is cut to the extent that huge swathes of populations are forced to live miserable lives; serious social upheaval can be expected. When citizens feel they have nothing more to lose, they will tie up society with demonstrations and often become violent.  More police and security personnel need to be hired, again stressing out government budgets. It has followed in the last few years that financial black holes have appeared in state and federal budgets of previously wealthy countries, and then defaults have followed. Just like dominos, with this mechanism one thing crashes into the other, until there is an ever decreasing downward spiral. That is what we can expect for some time, if something doesn’t change soon.

If welfare is cut to the extent that huge swathes of populations are forced to live miserable lives; serious social upheaval can be expected. When citizens feel they have nothing more to lose, they will tie up society with demonstrations and often become violent.  More police and security personnel need to be hired, again stressing out government budgets. It has followed in the last few years that financial black holes have appeared in state and federal budgets of previously wealthy countries, and then defaults have followed. Just like dominos, with this mechanism one thing crashes into the other, until there is an ever decreasing downward spiral. That is what we can expect for some time, if something doesn’t change soon.

The end result is that the growing tax burden on the ever dwindling middle class is causing resentment by citizens. There is less tax being paid at the top, less tax being paid in the middle and more dependent people needing government services at the bottom, many of them having once been in the middle class.

Adding to the mix we are seeing more and more poverty stricken refugees pouring in through borders, coming from war torn or financially struggling countries. They bring little material wealth with them and many require immediate government assistance. Medical and social services are overwhelmed, increasing the ire of the dwindling numbers of struggling taxpayers.

 In prosperous countries, elected governments tend to be conservative when countries are doing well and collectively wealth and influence is positioned at the top. Conservative governments are less inclined to support the disadvantaged. But when there are a majority of citizens, including immigrants struggling or unable to progress financially, they often vote for the government that is likely to ensure their survival, and that is generally democrat. So until something significant changes, we are likely to see more and more countries turning to democratic-style principles.  Conservative contenders are now feeling the pressure to change if they are to remain relevant.  It should be interesting to see where these transformations lead.

Countries that are unable or unwilling to tackle the loopholes created by tax havens and the shortage of jobs for their people will be the most disadvantaged in the long run. There have been tentative steps by some to tackle tax loopholes, but whether they can resist the substantial pressure from lobbyists remains to be seen. This could be a bad thing, because it is the equal push and tug of competing forces that ensures social and economic cohesion. Governments that have turned a blind eye to immigration in the past will be forced to face the huge problem that has slowly evolved.

What if we see the re-emergence of unions as happened in the past? Who knows?

- We are clearly heading for interesting times.

 

THE VALUE OF WALKING

THE VALUE OF WALKING

By Frances Harris



  

I know I’ve been leaning over the computer too much lately, and for far too long, and haven’t stood on the weighing scales in a while. It’s been cold and wet outside and I‘ve got all the excuses for not exercising today, or yesterday, or a week ago and the rest.  I try to eat healthy, but I know when it comes to making popcorn, it’s got to have butter on it, or it’s not real popcorn. My tendency to want to hibernate in winter makes take-away food look real nice.  But if I’m a couple of kilos heavier I know my health conscious son will notice. Which is worse I ask myself, the exercise or the nagging? Time is running out until he catches on. I’d better do something fast! 

So I remembered a beautiful park in Dingly, a suburb of Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. I’ve driven past it a few times and thought; one day I’m going in there to take a look around in there. It’s located on hectares of bushland framed by Springvale Road, Governor Road, Boundary Road and Cheltenham Road. The Entrances are about half way down – either from Boundary Road, or Governor Road. When you go inside the walking tracks stretch out as far as the eye can see. There are kilometres of winding paths and pristine bushland with chortling wild birds, rabbits, echidna, possums, gliders and the list goes on. I took the camera with me, and was so engrossed I ended up going further than I planned. I noted there are rest stops, a few barbecue and restrooms along the way tucked subtly into the landscape. I didn't stop but others may find them useful.



Once I set out along the first path wanted to see more. The paths are soft to walk on, so for anyone who has aches in their body, it’s good. These pictures you see are my experience at Braeside Park.

I find this to be an invigorating sight and wonder what's around the next corner?

This is a good place to take a load off your feet if you need a break on the way back.

What do you do with a dead tree?  You polish it and sculpt it of course!

At least I know now where I’m going.

There are no problems feeling close to nature. This is where the lungs say, 'thank you, I'm feeling good.'

 

Fresh air and sunshine, you can't beat it.

This is a forest of bracken and gum trees

It's amazing how closely art and nature are linked.



 Another art work made from a dead tree stump.

There sitting on a dead tree stump is one of Australia's national symbols, the kangaroo. 

Australians literature is loaded with references to going out into the bush. This is classic Australian bushland.

This is what you would expect to see around marshland or billabongs. At this point I've forgotten that I'm exercising. The world outside is far too fascinating.

I feel so good at this corner.

So exhilerating I could keep walking all day.

I think I was nearly back at the start, but still have a way to go. There is a glimpse of a pair of rosella parrots, but I'm too slow with the camera.

.

I made it back to the car park just in time for sunset. I think I walked perhap seven kilometers or more.  So what if I'd stayed on the couch all day? There was so much I would have missed out on. Now I feel like a cup’a and a laze on the couch - No guilt!



CLASSIC PERSONALITIES

CLASSIC PERSONALITIES


By Frances Harris

 

 

It seems there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. The lyrics of many songs are based on this fairly baffling proposition. Well the contradictions don’t end there. This is the point where my mind begins to ask the questions - What if? – How often? - How come?

While researching deeper into the mysteries of the human psyche I discovered there are many similar patterns of contradicting similarities infused into the human personality.  It seems when we find an executive or leader who is supremely successful, he or she is likely to meet the criteria of clinical narcissism. They would be lacking any semblance of empathy or compassion. Queen Victoria, Maggie Thatcher and Cleopatra would fall roughly or fully within this femme framework. A good example of males is John Bolton, George Bush’s man of the moment when deciding on US war strategy. Then Nero (Roman emperor) and Joseph Stalin would be others. That is not to suggest that all had similar rates of successes and failure.

To gain an edge, the narcissist (being with narcissistic disorder) would be an uncompromising bully without a shred of conscience about running a steamroller over anyone or everyone who gets in the way. Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Anecdotal evidence and small clinical studies show this to be likely. Not excluded in the collateral damage can be the spouse, children, family, close friends, associates and complete strangers. The narcissist won’t lose a wink of sleep if his or her actions devastate other humans or their communities to meet a justified end. In fact, they will probably be proud of it. Sometimes diverting the truth is another preferred tool to keep in the arsenal. Maybe we could call it respectable deception: i.e.: USA assertions that Saddam Hussein was in possession of weapons of mass destruction. Reports published on Bernie Madoff’s - too good to be true, Ponzi scheme is another example.

For this to happen; at the apex of a very unsavoury pyramid of power would be either a person who is a dedicated narcissist, or a CEO with principles, who would need to hire one to get the job done. Bernie Madoff is more infamous than most because he not only crushed his clients, but also his friends and family with his deceptive activity. For some time, he seemed to be an infallible manipulative superhero of the financial markets until the GEC and its monetary gyrations revealed his illegal activities.

Now, to flip the coin over to the other side, the revelations are surprising. Near carbon copies of that same class of psychopathic executive, who can be found running the world’s most powerful corporations, are likely to be found in jails all over the world. Both classes share similar characteristics. They are likely to have the traits of compulsive personality disorder such as recalcitrance, high inflexible expectations of others, perfectionism and be workaholics. Studies have shown that they have superficial charm, insincerity, an exaggerated inflated ego and also be highly manipulative. But what the detainees don’t have which the executives often do, is personal discipline. The executive strata are also likely to be more responsible and have less impulsive personalities. In both examples, collective and rigid obsession with self makes both sides difficult to work with.

It seems the jailed individuals who share traits with the executives are the ones who got caught while trying to make it to the top. Maybe they had poor judgement and strapped themselves to the wrong rocket. Were they unlucky? Or perhaps due to low level education they were careless or lacking insight?  Maybe privilege has its benefits. Then I ask myself, what shape would the world be in now if there were no narcissists?